How important is Trust?

I just earned my best friend's trust or so he says. That remains to be seen. We just had a discussion about how he doesn't think he should trust any human. Why? I don't know why he has come up with this. I think he tends to hide behind walls because that's easier to do than to tell people what is actually going on. My goal is to try to break those walls down. I think I have broken a couple down but there are many more. It is honestly a really sad life if you can't trust people. Honestly, when people tell me that they can't trust me it breaks me inside. I just want so badly to be accepted and I think that I want to be able to earn people's trust. I guess most of the time I trust people when we first meet and if they do something to break it then I reevaluate that trust. So I guess I am just used to trusting people and it is easy for me... for the most part. There are some circumstances that I wouldn't trust anyone. I guess it must be a gift. I never realized how hard it was for people to trust one another. I think it is just part of our human and selfish nature. But I guess when I think about it... I really don't trust completely. It takes awhile for me to trust someone with everything. I just don't know what is so bad that people can't trust one another. I think it comes back to the fact that people think to much about what others think. They think that maybe they might be treated differently if they trust someone with something. I can see how people think that because that is definitely how I think. Trust is really important in a relationship. It's at least really important to me and my relationships. Without trust I feel like there is so much missing in that relationship. I intend to try to trust people more. This is something that I want and I want other people to do. I will be pushing my friend to try to realize how important trust is. Trust is key in all relationships.

Complete Vulnerability

Where do I even begin? I just recently decided to share my complete and full testimony with 2 of my closest friends. I was extremely terrified, but God kept pushing me to do it. I have never felt comfortable with sharing my complete story. Why? I was terrified of the response. Terrified I would be shunned or thought of as a sick dirty person. I was so scared to see what the reaction to my whole testimony would be I was so closed up about it. Now that I have shared it... I feel more free. No it didn't fix everything, but now I have people who I can talk to about it and not be afraid. The response to my full testimony was so much more amazing than I had ever expected. I did not know what to expect but I had never expected the love and acceptance for who I am and what I struggle with. It has been an amazing encouragement to me. Today, I actually got to share my testimony with someone who shares the same struggles and knows what I am going through. This helped me immensely!!! She knew everything that I had gone through and we shared so much in common it was really amazing. I was completely encouraged by this. Yes, we do have big fears about our struggles and honestly... it is going to be a long painful road. It is going to be really hard and I have a lot of questions about my struggles and why I have to go through them, but I am still learning. I know it is all for a purpose. I am actually going to go to counseling next fall! This really excites me because I really would love to talk and work through some different things. It has been really tough. My homosexuality struggle has been more of a pain than any other sin. I feel like its probably the worst sin anyone could struggle with just because of all that comes with it. It is a lot harder than people tend to think. A lot of them don't realize just how much goes along with this sin. Depression, anxiety, broken relationships, and worst of all loneliness. The fact that we may not ever be able to have a healthy heterosexual relationship kills me. Some nights I stare at my ceiling crying. I did not ask for this. But no matter what happens I know that I will not give up on following my God. He is truly amazing and I love Him so much. Why did I have to struggle with this? I don't know, but it is for a reason and I intend to find out! I know that there is a lot of pain to focus on and some times I get myself caught up in it. I have my bad days, but the most important thing is to focus on the amazing joy that God gives us. Every morning I choose God. It is His life, not mine and I will never give up for Him. If that means that I remain a celibate the rest of my life, then so be it. It will be extremely hard, but I will do it for Christ. I rely on Him no matter what happens. That is the key to life. Relying completely and fully on Christ and Christ alone.