Winter.....

It seems as though...winter has hit. I guess the way that I feel right now is the way someone may feel when they are trapped in the middle of snow storm. They don't see an end to it and can't seem to escape. I have amazing friends that have pushed me and kept me accountable. But even then...it is not enough. Those things are amazing and I would'nt trade them for anything. I guess the question I have to ask myself, several times a day, is how much do I want it? This relationship must be personal and between God and I. Yes we are called to live in community, but we have to want that personal relationship and then we can have the accountability and encouragement we need from others. I guess right now...........I have hit my winter where I just keep failing. Day after day. It doesn't seem to end. But the question that my friend asked me was "how much do you want it?" The more I think about that question the more it pushes me. I ask myself this every time I work out and I find it quite easy to be able to push myself when I am seeing the physical rewards. But this relationship which is what I am here for and what life is all about, is what I have struggles with. I want to His will done, but it just seems like I keep hitting these winters. I feel so trapped right now. But I also know that spring is coming. It always does. I guess I just need more pushing. Prayer is something that I have not stopped and will not stop. I pray for strength and pray to get out of this.............it just doesn't seem to work. I just want this to end. Until it does, I wait here......waiting. praying. hoping.