This wasn't a choice!

"This is a choice" is a phrase I hear Christians throw at the LGBT community way too much. My question is WHY THE HELL WOULD I CHOOSE THIS!?!?!  Because I really want to be part of a community that is constantly bullied and is a minority. I honestly have no clue where people get that this is a choice. It really pisses me off when I hear someone say that I chose this. Also...when did you decide to be straight? That's the real question here. If I made the choice to be gay...then you definitely made the choice to be straight. Doesn't make sense? I didn't think so either. I was reading through some different blogs today and I found one that was all about the reaction of a Christian mom to her son being gay. It almost brought tears to my eyes. She talked about how the very first thing she had to tell her son was that she loved him. She loved him and God loved him. As she went on, she talked about this being a choice. She talked with her son about it and the way he talked about she knew that it was not a choice that was made. She could see that. She went on to discuss basically what I am saying, which is why would you choose to be part of a minority that does not have rights and is constantly targeted by society. Going through this coming out process has been rough because I really am losing hope in Christians as I see how they react to this. I think they COMPLETELY go about this the wrong way. However, I see certain people who are doing right and love me despite anything. It is through these very few people that I actually do see Christ! It is through this blog that I saw Christ!! Finally some people are trying to understand. She also does state in her blog that no one can clearly understand or get what homosexuals are saying unless they deal with it! PREACH! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING!!! Yes you can listen and understand to a certain point, but unless you go through this...you never truly understand. This was not a choice that I made. This is part me. And another thing. Do not compare this to being an alcoholic or drug user. I have heard these things which piss me off. That apparently they think that's just part of them. I really think that's something entirely different. I really am trying to show God's love but it is so hard when I live around people who are not doing the same.

The Lord Speaks

I was reminded, today, of love. My friend came and told me a lot of information about her and things that she remembered that had never come up before. She is going through a lot. What did I do? Silence...I had nothing to say because I was broken. Broken by everything she was going through. I hate having nothing to say but I guess that's the best some times. I was then told that our relationship could never be the same. Obviously to some degree this hurt, but I wasn't angry. She quoted the verse 1 Corinthians 5:11 for me which says, "But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister^[a] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people." This is very interesting to me because yes, she considers the fact that I am gay as being a sexually immoral sin. I guess this is where we differ on what we believe in. I definitely don't see it that way, but she does. I realized something through this. I feel like it was definitely something God was telling me and it was kinda shocking to me. I never said too much after she said that. I didn't quite have words to speak. I talked to my boyfriend about all of this. I knew he would be really angry... He just wants me to be okay and everyone to be happy for me, but I know that won't happen which is fine. I guess we talked through it and it God was really telling me something through this. He said, "Cameron...you have to show the love that you want to be shown." This was crazy. He slapped me across the face. Yes, I have made this decision and no, no one agrees with it, but you know what? That's okay. I love every one of them. I have to respect where they stand and if that means they have to back off from a friendship with me...it will hurt but that's ok. I will love them. There is no reason for me to be angry here. I have to respect and love every single family and friend who disagrees. This is what God was telling me. I just think it's crazy. I guess I have been kind of selfish here because I do feel like I keep asking people to understand and just love me...when I have to do the same thing!!! I need to understand where they are coming from and love them no matter what they say  to me or do to me. I love them and will never stop loving them.

The pain I am reminded of this Easter

This world makes me so upset some times...and then I remember that this isn't my home. It has been an awesome weekend, however, last week was pretty hellish. I guess you could say I have started my coming out process. My parents have not taken this so well...well no one has really. I do have friends who say they respect me and my decision and love me no matter what and I am beyond grateful for them! I guess what frustrates me the most right now is the church. the judgment. the looking at someone and literally tearing them apart with one disappointing look. These are the things that kill me the most. My dad called me bawling. He said he would have to quit his job. After thinking about this...it pisses me off. IMMENSELY! This very decision that I clearly made here has nothing to do with my father's job. But people would apparently look down on him and judge him so he wouldn't be able to handle it. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?? My question is...what the hell is the church for? BROKEN PEOPLE! So we may disagree on homosexuality which is fine, but if you think it is a sin then you should WANT them at church, right? WRONG. This is not what the American church is about. We have to have things together. We can't welcome those...sinners. When, in all reality, WE ARE ALL FREAKIN SINNERS! I am sorry about getting so heated about this, but I feel like this is something God would be upset about. When Jesus walked the earth...who was he with? THE WORST OF THE WORST. The one's that NO ONE wanted to be around. These are the very people that Christ is attracted to. This is what I am reminded of on this Easter. God has put that passion in my heart. Seek the broken. Welcome them. Love them. This is the very thing...the church is NOT doing. But we certainly are doing an awesome job at judging. I am not saying this is the case for all of Christians! I know there are good hearted people out there that do an awesome job at this, but the Church today...SUCKS. There's nothing else to it. They do. I just want to be welcomed into my own home church without being judged or looked down upon. Now I can't even walk into my house without that happening. I am BEYOND grateful for those churches who do support the LGBT community and accept everyone else into their congregation. This is our job! THIS IS THE VERY THING WE ARE CALLED TO DO! I just had to get this out because this is something that was laid heavy on my heart and mind today. Yes, this subject is extremely close to me because I am a part of this crowd that is seen as the worst of the worst. It's painful and hard being on this side. Not welcomed. Not loved. But, again, I am grateful that they do have churches for us. I just wish it didn't  have to be only a few churches that did that. I hate having to go to a "special" church because I am not welcomed anywhere else. I pray that God would start working in these churches. Joining the LGBT community I see the pain and rejection that these people feel. I read up on so many awful stories of how people in churches treat them. Things need to change in the church and it needs to happen fast.