Free to be me! :)

I was sitting in the car earlier with a couple friends and this song came on! I thought it was perfect and almost starting crying. After so much struggle and confusion, I finally do feel like I am free! I am free to be who I am! I am free in Christ! He made me exactly how He wanted to and I could not be happier! These are the things I have been learning about my amazing Father who set me free. I recently have had friends leave my life but new have come into my life. Although it's painful and hurts, God really does work everything out for His good and I trust Him completely. I love my Savior and I know that He has a reason for everything. Coming out may have been the hardest thing I have done but...it's already been so much better! Of course it's hard but I have my Savior helping me every step of the way! He really spoke to me the other day after my friends left my life...He just said, "you must show love." These are words that were so clear to me. I have made many mistakes with these friends and no I have not been a good friend to them. I did not try...too many times and the result is...they left. It has definitely been a slap in my face. I had so much anger against them but God told me that and I must obey Him. I have felt His genuine joy the past couple days because I have let go of that anger! I have given it to Him. I have to love them. I made mistakes and I respect their decisions of stepping back. I also need support that they can't give me, so I really do understand. I have changed and they have also. We really have grown apart. I guess this really is part of life that my parents warned me about. It is hard to let go of friends, but sometimes we have to. Sometimes it really is for the best. Again, I know that everything works out for His good! Even though it doesn't seem like that at times, it is definitely truth that I believe with all my heart. I just also want to give a shout out to any gay Christians. I understand the pain and hurt that you go through! IT LITERALLY SUCKS. I have actually recently talked to a few gay Christians who have been an awesome encouragement! They went through a lot of what I have been going through. They just told me to keep my eyes on God and it will get better. I also can understand why so many people are scared to come out. Scared because of reactions and people rejecting you and they definitely will. I know first hand that it will happen. It will get better, however you must keep God first. You must seek after Him like He's everything you want. He is the one who will fulfill you! Being gay... it will not fulfill you! Being gay is just part of your life...it is not an identity! SO DO NOT TREAT IT LIKE THAT! That is not where you should find you're identity. Many people will say that it is a choice, but an orientation is not a choice. I recently talked with a friend who is straight and she thinks it is wrong and a choice. So I asked if being straight is a choice. And she told me that she will say everyday that being straight is a choice! So if straight people say they made a choice to be straight, then yes, we made a choice to be gay. However, you're orientation is an orientation. Nothing else. It doesn't define who you are or what you do! So don't let it. You must look to God for you're identity, because that is where it is. It isn't in anything of this world. And that is why being a gay Christian is hard! Because people will think that you are embracing sin and maybe you are. I think it's all in where you find you're identity, because if this is what's most important to you and what defines you then, yes, that is indeed sin. That is not how we as Christians are supposed to live. I just encourage everyone to see where you're priorities lie. But also...it will get better. For anyone who may be gay I just want to let you know that you will be ok. It sucks and seems like it would be better to end it all, but don't. Please don't. I have read too many statistics on LGBT suicide rates. It is scary high and terrifies me. I didn't really understand it until recently. IT IS SO HARD AND I UNDERSTAND! Because of people, it is so easy to get caught up in just ending it all. I know exactly where you may be. I just encourage you to keep going. Just remember that God does INDEED love and care for you. You have a purpose! DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE! They will tear you down and it will rip you apart inside, but at the end of the day who's opinion matters? God's. That's all. Not people's. I just encourage you to keep striving and pushing forward. It will get better. And I love you guys with all of my heart. My heart breaks for those of you who have these feelings, but I love you so much. I have been there. I know how hard this is. But we will get through it. We can endure with God.